Anything t’donkey can do…

Submitted by: News Grandad

Ey up petal. Not wanting to steal anyone’s limelight like, but I’m not ‘avin no bucktoothed wannabe horse taking over MY homepage. Who said Yorkshiremen were tight eh? Wa’ it you, lad?!

Aye, it’s been a while, I’ll gi’ yer that, but this old Grandfather has been reet busy. My days as a rock ‘n’ roll hero are far from over. I’ve had that sprog from t’Arctic Monkeys on t’phone asking me fer advice. He knows, y’see, he knows that I used to be in Slade before they hit t’big time. He knows how quick t’tide can turn. ‘ow can I ‘elp it that me ‘air wasn’t as funky as Dave bloody Hill’s, I ask yer! Noel Gallgher were reet abaht him. Three ‘aircuts on one ‘ead? That’s just greed and rock ‘n’ roll excess, that is.

Anyroad, young Alex Turner were askin’ fer my advice ‘cos I’m Yorkshire’s official Rock ‘N’ Roll Sage. It’s a very esteemed position, I’ll have you know – and they’ve all been on t’blower to me. That Jarvis Cocker thinks he’s got this job laid out on a plate fer his later years – a nice little retirement package. Well I tell thee now Jarvis, if yer still kickin’ it in 20 years time like Paul McCartney hoppin’ around in black and white wi’ his little ukelele, only then can yer come knockin’ at my door.

T’old music industry does seem a little quiet this week, I ‘ave to say – must be why that donkeh’s goin’ on abaht Peter Doherty yet again. I think it’s fair to say that t’donkeh’s more hooked on old Doherty than the Doherty is himself t’sherbet!

All I will say is thank God that t’bloody Rihanna an’ her Umbrella song has been displaced at last. I’m sorry love, try livin’ in Yorkshire before you start rattlin’ on abaht umbrellas. I tell thee!